Ricky Gervais and Shitty Ass Coffee

I am sitting here in my office drinking some shitty ass starbucks coffee thinking about the Golden Globes . Not Sofia Vergara's (those are hers btw) but the actual awards show that is put on by some weird agency called the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Who is the HFPA? I dunno. Go ask someone who cares. All I know is that the Golden Globes that are not Sofia Vergara's (her's are more bronze) is generally considered to be Oscar's ugly little sister, never really getting as much attention or respect.

I never really bothered to pay attention to this crappy little show that touted itself as more of a celebrity booze fest than a awards. Hey lets watch famous people get free booze! I mean come on, both The Tourist and Burlesque received nominations for best musical or comedy this year, making it obvious that the HFPA is more concerned which hot celebrities were in the crowd than which performers deserved to be awarded based on their merit.

Because if that was the case, than they should have at least nominated Jerry O'Connell for his over the top performance in Pirhana 3D.

I am fucking serious, it was the best performance since Will Ferrel in Elf.

Oh, hey but wait a minute there BS, "say the defenders of the double G's, "the Golden Globes has a long history of selecting the Oscar Winners, or at least nominating them."

Yeah, sure many films, film makers, and performers who win a Globe go on to win an Oscar, However, this generally happens when the winner is obvious ( for example Natalie Portman in Black Swan) however, when there is no real obvious winner, the HFPA is generally exposed for what they really are: Celebrity Butt Kissers.

And this is why a lot of people are more prone to watching Seinfeld reruns and then finding out who won on E later.

Until Ricky Gervais came along and made the show funny.

It was not until last year that I actually sat through the entire Golden Globes and it was not because I wanted to see what kind of dress Angelina was wearing, or to listen to some Glee cast member's retarded banter. It was because I wanted to see who Ricky was going to poke fun at next.

And this year it was no different.

The only reason i found myself in front of the boob tube at 5 o'clock PST with NBC on was because he was once again hosting the Golden Globes.

He did not disappoint.

The Tourist's awfulness

Closeted Scientologists

Robert Downey's past drug problems

Tim Allen's non importance

Hugh Hefner's 84 year old Penis

Even the old geezer in charge of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association

He skewered pretty much everybody he could, throwing a cream filled pie right into Hollywood's face, doing what he can to deflate its inflated sense of self importance and bring them back down to everyone else's level.

And what did Hollywood do?

It cried about it. Called him "mean spirited" and vowed never to let him near their ass kissing party ever again.

Oh boo hoo, poor Hollywood.

Got it's feeling all hurt by this English Jester who was only doing his best to make this lame ass little sister to the Academy Awards a little bit more watchable. It is not enough that the general public showers you in opulence, looks the other way when you transgress and even gives you a second, third and fourth chance, because you are Star after all. Oh no, thats not enough, we also are supposed to watch as you get your butt kissed for starring in a subpar action/comedy/thriller that a three old can guess the ending too.

Oh please!

Get the fuck over yourself Hollywood.

As for my man Ricky...

I am sure he will end up having the last laugh when the rating plummet next year and could probably give a fuck if he never gets invited to the Globes show.

Its not like it the Oscars

Or even the BAFTA's

Best Movies of the Year

Okay, so here it is, a brand new year, 4 months of swearing and trying to turn a 0 into a 1 every time you need to write the date down. But thats okay, because a new year is upon us, time for new beginnings, broken resolutions, and worrying about that whole 2012 thing that the Mayans talked about.

It is also the time to start making lists!.

So here is my list of the best movies of the year: Take that Oscar

Looking back on old 2010 this morning while sipping a double SO El Salvadorian Espresso (that I made with the new Delonghi Espresso maker that I got for Xmas), it was not a particularly great year for Hollywood. When movies that you can figure out by watching the trailers (The Tourist) and sequels of sequels (Toy Story 3) start getting Oscar buzz, you know that you are in trouble. Hollywood's Resolution probably should be to make less crap this year that does not rely on solely on those hokey 3D goggles to make money.

We need more movies like:

10: Piranha 3D!

Thats is right, this is first one on my list of best movies of 2010. I know, it may seem a bit hypocritical to rant about how shitty most 3D movies and then to include one in my top ten list, but honestly this movie will be fun to watch in just about any dimension. The floating cock getting snatched by primordial piranhas and the naked titties in 3D are just extra bonuses.

5: Mother

I just watched this Korean thriller about the strange relationship between a mother and her good looking but mentally disturbed son last night and bam!, I was so blown away by it that I just had to put it on the list. Go ahead, call him a retard, see what happens.

4: Ip Man

Another movie I just recently saw on Netflix, This action packed martial arts story about the guy who schooled Bruce Lee was actually made in 2008, but hey, I figured I am compiling a list of the 5 best films that I saw in 10, not what actually came out. With moving and the new dog and everything, our lets go to the movies budget was slashed, so much of what I watch now is on the old boob toob. Anyway, I watched this movie on Christmas and it made me wanna go out and Slap a Jap wing chun style baby.

3: True Grit

Okay, I have not actually seen this new Brothers Coen movie yet, but I know that when I do, it is bound to be somewhere on the list.

2: Black Swan

I wanted this new Aronofsky film to be number one on my list, but I keep comparing it to his masterpiece "The Wrestler" and finding myself a wee bit disappointed. Still, the hot girl on girl action between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis virtually guarantees that I will be watching this movie again sometime in the near future, alone with my trusty box of tissue.

1: Inception

Sure, a more artsy fartsy film might beat out this mind bending caper for the Oscar, but Inception is still a winner in my book. Clever, entertaining, action packed and also one of the few films I actually got to see in the theater this year, Inception blew me out of the water and had be wondering what really could be happening inside the worlds we dream.

So there you have it. I was originally going to give you 10 movies for 10, but then i realized that i did not even see ten great movies this year. Fuck, I had to include a movie made in 2008 and a movie I haven't even seen yet to make it to five. But there they are, all great movies that you should give a chance. Whether or not or have a pair of cheap plastic 3D goggles.