Ricky Gervais and Shitty Ass Coffee

I am sitting here in my office drinking some shitty ass starbucks coffee thinking about the Golden Globes . Not Sofia Vergara's (those are hers btw) but the actual awards show that is put on by some weird agency called the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Who is the HFPA? I dunno. Go ask someone who cares. All I know is that the Golden Globes that are not Sofia Vergara's (her's are more bronze) is generally considered to be Oscar's ugly little sister, never really getting as much attention or respect.

I never really bothered to pay attention to this crappy little show that touted itself as more of a celebrity booze fest than a awards. Hey lets watch famous people get free booze! I mean come on, both The Tourist and Burlesque received nominations for best musical or comedy this year, making it obvious that the HFPA is more concerned which hot celebrities were in the crowd than which performers deserved to be awarded based on their merit.

Because if that was the case, than they should have at least nominated Jerry O'Connell for his over the top performance in Pirhana 3D.

I am fucking serious, it was the best performance since Will Ferrel in Elf.

Oh, hey but wait a minute there BS, "say the defenders of the double G's, "the Golden Globes has a long history of selecting the Oscar Winners, or at least nominating them."

Yeah, sure many films, film makers, and performers who win a Globe go on to win an Oscar, However, this generally happens when the winner is obvious ( for example Natalie Portman in Black Swan) however, when there is no real obvious winner, the HFPA is generally exposed for what they really are: Celebrity Butt Kissers.

And this is why a lot of people are more prone to watching Seinfeld reruns and then finding out who won on E later.

Until Ricky Gervais came along and made the show funny.

It was not until last year that I actually sat through the entire Golden Globes and it was not because I wanted to see what kind of dress Angelina was wearing, or to listen to some Glee cast member's retarded banter. It was because I wanted to see who Ricky was going to poke fun at next.

And this year it was no different.

The only reason i found myself in front of the boob tube at 5 o'clock PST with NBC on was because he was once again hosting the Golden Globes.

He did not disappoint.

The Tourist's awfulness

Closeted Scientologists

Robert Downey's past drug problems

Tim Allen's non importance

Hugh Hefner's 84 year old Penis

Even the old geezer in charge of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association

He skewered pretty much everybody he could, throwing a cream filled pie right into Hollywood's face, doing what he can to deflate its inflated sense of self importance and bring them back down to everyone else's level.

And what did Hollywood do?

It cried about it. Called him "mean spirited" and vowed never to let him near their ass kissing party ever again.

Oh boo hoo, poor Hollywood.

Got it's feeling all hurt by this English Jester who was only doing his best to make this lame ass little sister to the Academy Awards a little bit more watchable. It is not enough that the general public showers you in opulence, looks the other way when you transgress and even gives you a second, third and fourth chance, because you are Star after all. Oh no, thats not enough, we also are supposed to watch as you get your butt kissed for starring in a subpar action/comedy/thriller that a three old can guess the ending too.

Oh please!

Get the fuck over yourself Hollywood.

As for my man Ricky...

I am sure he will end up having the last laugh when the rating plummet next year and could probably give a fuck if he never gets invited to the Globes show.

Its not like it the Oscars

Or even the BAFTA's