Hey Oscar

Its almost time for the Oscars and not wanting to look like an idiot, the girlfriend and I having been boning up on all the Oscar hopefuls. We do this so we can scream at the TV absurd things to each other like:

" I can't believe Alice in Wonderland won best costume design, The mother fucking Tempest should won that hands down!"

or:

"See I told you The Social Network was going to win best sound mixing, booyah! Drink up Biaatch."

Okay, so I will confess, I had to jump to a different site that listed all the nominees in order to order to reference those two lines. Also for the record me and the GF do not talk to each other like that. Well, at least she doesn't talk to me like that.

I mean, come on , very few of us give two shits about things like best sound mixing or best set design am I right? Sure, these things do play an important role when it comes making a a kick ass movie and those artists who work hard in the field of set design, sound editing and costume design definitely deserve some recognition from their peers and all that sincere sounding bullshit, but really come on, none of us hoi polloi really care.

We just want to dig into the main course.

We want to find out who won in the big categories, not the ones that are there to help make the losers feel better about themselves...

"Hey Kate,I will have you know Avatar won three Oscars!"

"Yeah I know James,you won for cinematography, Art Direction and Special Effects, so kiss my Best Director and Picture ass biaatch!"


According to mt research that is how Kate Bigelow and James Cameron do talk to each other.

So anyway, we tolerate these little appetizers, because we know people in Hollywood have low self esteem and also know that this Awards show needs a bit of filler in order to feel like more of an event other of our Ritz cracker entrees, but still we are all just waiting to hear about the big winners.

"Dude, if fucking Natalie Portman doesn't win, I swear to god I am going to shit my pants with rage!"

"I know dude, she totally nailed that Lesbo scene."



We are there to know about the best actors and actresses, the best director and of course the best damn picture. I mean, we do not go out there and watch The Social Network because it got nominated for the best adapted screenplay. I mean, who the fuck is Aaron Sorkin anyway? No, we put on the the top of your Netflix Que (its available by the way) because everyone is saying that its considered one of the favorites for Best Picture. It is probably the same reason we go to that one dingy little independent theater downtown in order to catch The King's Speech, not because its a shoe in for best set design.

Anyway, thats what I did.

So we pretty much got most of the contenders down now, with a few exceptions. I still haven't got around to seeing The Fighter yet. We also still need to check out that other lesbian couple flick (The kids are all right) and Winter's Bone and 127 Hours. Oh shit, I almost forgot about Toy Story 3. Crappers, when did they start picking so many nominees.

Damn I gotta go to the movies, I will get to this later.

Even More Movie Reviews

Not wanting to be left of out of the Oscar conversation, I went ahead and put "The Social Network" in my Netflix Cue and went and saw The King's Speech" at the artsy fartsy little theater just up the street from my apartment.

Oh man, another fucking movie review? What gives BS, how com you are not talking about coffee anymore?

Okay, so one of these days I will get around to talking about coffee and how it turns me on. Until then, dear reader, you will have to put up with these damn Movie Reviews. Besides, ever since I did my taxes on Turbo Tax, I discovered that if I write a review of all the movies that I go see, I can actually write off the cost of the ticket. So it is pretty much like paying myself to go to the movie. Unless, of course, I somehow make make some actual money from this damn blog, which at this moment seems like a very remote possibility.

So anyways back to the King's Speech.

I thought this was one of the best movies I have seen all year. Perhaps even better than Inception. The acting was superb and the story was engrossing enough for me to ignore the sound of the hissing oxygen tank that a geriatric patron had brought in with him. I mean, do not get me wrong, I am all for old people keeping in touch with the latest movies, and understand that this wry and dry British Drama is exactly the type of flick old people want to watch, but still, why the heck did they have to sit in the same row as me?

Ok, ok enough bitching. At least there weren't any kids running laps around the theater like the one time I went in saw King Kong. As I said, the King's Speech was easily the best movie of the year and the wonderful acting by everyone involved (especially Colin Firth) kept me captivated and enabled me to ignore the ticking hisses that were escaping from the oxygen tank seated 10 seats down from me. I thought this film was a great look into the intimate lives of the Royal Family during the dawn of the Modern Era and how lonely it is to be King. I think it probably had more to say about the loneliness that pervades in this era of connectedness than the Social Network without trying to beat the viewer over the head with it.

It totally deserved the Oscar.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Woah, wait a minute BS...

Is that all you are going to say about the Oscars? Really, after all that talk about them?

Well okay: James Franco looked stoned and Anne Hathaway looked pretty hot. I also appreciated the F-Bomb dropped by that chick from The Fighter. Other than that it, it was the pretty much the most boring Oscar Show ever, on par with The Grammys. Judging from the ratings, thats what everyone else thought too. Maybe next year they will get Ricky Gervais to host it in order to add a little kick to it.