Somewhere by the dead Sea
Archaeologists poking around in the Desert have recently uncovered a hidden cache of ancient scrolls that appears to contain yet another Lost Gospel excluded from the official canon which depicts the son of God in a completely different light. The Book of Jebidiah is said to contain previously unknown sermons by J.C. which are complete departures from his typical hippy dippy banter of "turning the other cheek" and "doing unto others".
"This is Thine Boomstick"
While its translation is still being debated, it is believed that the Lost Book of Jebidiah tells a fanciful tale of the Sandal Wearing Holy Man conjuring up a mystical weapon that is eerily similar to a modern day assault rifle in order to drive off thieves and tax collectors from a lucrative water to wine making business that he started up with a several of his disciples in order to help support his ministry.
"I knew it!" declares Bobby Bob Robertson, President of the Jesus Loving Gun Owners Association, " I knew our Lord and Savior was for gun owner rights. I knew he wasn't just about healing the sick, feeding the poor, giving up his life for others and the rest of that commie sounding bullshit that the left wing likes to talk about. The book of Jebidiah proves that my Lord did have a pair of balls and did not like the Romans or the Jews for that matter tramping all over his 2nd Amendment rights. Yee Hah!"
Jesus has yet to release a statement about the latest discovery.
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