expletive good

Sip,

FUCK, that is Good.Now, I remember why I prefer fresh roasted coffee over that other crap.

I am sipping on some Rwanda, dunder blunder mother jumucker, or whatever Sweet Marias likes to call it.

Hang on, let me go check out their site and get its full legal name, now do a little copy and paste action: Rwanda FT Dukunde Kawa Musasa. Yeah, thats the stuff. While, it makes blogging about it a bit of a pain in the ass, I kind of like how the folks at SM like to give all of their beans very specific names, it really makes you feel like you are drinking something that is really mother fucking special. Of course this comes from a guy who named his dog Brisco Horseshoe Tiberius. And this Rwanda FT Donkey Karat Massuga is very mother fucking special indeed. It tastes so fucking good, that all I can do right now is silently swear to myself and talk about how mother fucking good it really is.

I roasted12 OZs of this Rwanda FTD (which is what I call it in my log) in my Behmor on the P3 level for 20:45. This got me a nice Full City roast. Tom from SM ranted on about how great this one fucking tasted at the lightest levels, but I am too afraid of having them come out overly assy grassy not to cook them a bit longer into the first crack. To me, there is nothing worse than grassy tasting coffee. Since it is a Behmor I be roasting with, even the darkest roasts that I can manage are nothing even close to French or Vienna, so I am pretty sure that the end result was still light enough to bring out the "sweet accents" of the roast.

In fact, I think Rwanda FTD is a pretty good fucking name for it, since it does have a flowery mouth feel to it. When I swish it in my mouth and let it roll over all of me taste buds, I am transported to a Japanese tea garden, one with beautiful smelling flowers, little bonzai trees, koi ponds and shit. I do not know why this coffee makes me think about sitting in a garden and writing haikus about flowers all day long, but it does.

So Fucking good.

kotex coffee

Here is a video of a friend of mine slapping the squares in the face with a bit of mind blowing performance art.

Wow huh?

I wonder if in a pinch you can use kotex to brew up some coffee? Like you were out camping or something and had nothing else around except for what you find in your girlfriends purse.Ideally you would want an unused, but if you find one in the trash and wash it off... Hey thats roughing it.

Hmmm, thinking about it I guess it probably would not work since kotex are meant to absorb liquid and what you really need in order to make a good cup of coffee is something that lets the juice through but not gunk. I mean I guess you could just squeeze the coffee out of the feminine napkin after letting immerse for a while, but you would probably get a lot of sediment in his cup. It would just be a big bloody mess.

Sorry I could not help myself.

Sometimes, you gotta

Hi there folks...

Just got back from Vegas and over a cold.

Fun Times

I knew that i was in trouble, the day before we left when my throat starting hurting.

By the time I was dangling 900 feet over the strip on the thrillscreamexxtremintensometer or whatever that ride on the Stratosphere was called, my head was stuffed like Tijuana Donkey Show and I was coughing like one of those 63 year old cigarette smoking slot jockeys that you see everywhere on the lower strip.

I took zinc, I took vitamin C, I drank Juice, I drank Whiskey...

I even went to CVS and bought a pack of the good cold medicine. You know, the stuff you need to go up to the pharmacy counter and give them your ID in order to get so they can put you in a database and keep an eye on you just in case you happen to be whipping up a batch of glass for your friends and family.

Yeah, that stuff.

None of that other pussy ass shit with its weak ass non-meth-amphetamine-friendly making chemical formulas really does it for me. It is like trying to start your morning with a cup of mother fucking Nescafe. I need the real hard core shit and I don't give a rat's patooty if it puts me on the list.

Bring it. I got Nothing to Hide!

Just don't look in that chest in my closet.

Speaking of Nescafe...

Vegas must pretty much be the Starbucks capital of the Universe. When i got my room key, the guys instructions were: "Okay now take a right at that Starbucks you see there until you come to another Starbucks, then take a left to elevator 3A."

I could not help but stifle a congested filled laugh.

On practically every casino floor, the green lady was there with her 3 dollar coffees and 6 dollar coffee flavored drinks. It seems that caffeine is becoming the new nicotine for Sin City.

And yes I drank it.

Unlike previous trips, where I would roast up a batch, grind it and take it with me along with my Smart Brew, my green coffee cache was down to the nitty gritty I was too busy cranking out stories for my new porn blogging gig to log onto SM and fill it back up.

You see, Sometimes you gotta go to the Bucks.

Especially since it was the only show in town.

Sipping coffee, writing, and spooning

Here I am at 5:47 in the AM, sipping coffee: a El Salvador Siberian Estate Pacamara. It is pretty much what remains of a 12 ounce batch that I roasted up in my Behmor last Wednesday and, like me, it has only gotten better with age.

At first, I was not really digging this Pacma from Siberia, not as much as the bourbon bean that came from the same farm last year, but I think that was because I was not letting it rest properly. This time, I still had some of that mistaken mexican left over, so the Siber-Pac had to sit a few days.

Being able to rest a few days is a rare feat for a coffee in the hands of a serious addict like me. Most roasts do not make it past day three of four (unless they really sucked), but this one made it almost a full week. And here it is tasting its best on day 6.

This gives me something to think about.

This ends my little morning writing session.

Now it is time for spooning.

Doesn't that feel nice?

Pirhanas meet Mexico

I'm sitting here sipping on some rather cool and a bit watered down mislabeled Mexico Organic Terruno Nayarita from my Sweet Maria's stash and thinking about the movie Pirhana 3D and its chances of winning an Oscar for best picture. I cannot believe no one is taking this picture seriously, I thought it was a gleefulyl glorious masterpiece.

The Nayarita that I am drinking as I ponder was sent to me in the guise FTO Chiapas-Reserve El Truifino due some apparent mishap at the company's Oakland based warehouse. I hope no one got hurt. They sent me a e-mail notifying me of the egregious error that they made in sending me the wrong organic mexican green coffee beans and have even offered to send me a bag of the Chiapas Reserve beans free of charge. I knew something was up with these beans so I am glad SM sent me a message to clear things up. I remember tasting this coffee which I roasted in my Behmor at P1 until deep into the second crack and thinking " now these are definitely not from the Chiapas reserve".

Yeah right, if only I was that big of a coffee nerd to now the difference.

Someday perhaps

Back to Pirhana 3D.

This movies seriously kicked some major ass. It had babes, boobs and booty all in 3D, it had buckets of blood, a severed penis, and some of the funniest deaths ever filmed. It was also clever in that dead pan wink, wink nudge nudge sort of way that made it a joy to watch. Yet despite the glowing reviews from would be critics like me, the movie seems destined for early video release. Hopefully then it will find the audience and acclaim that it deserves.

Now back to Mexican Coffee

Since I like the Nayarita and I am not a big enough coffee nerd to think that the folks over at Sweet maria's duped me into drinking the wrong organic Mexican coffee, i feel a bit guilty in making them ship me a free bag of the other Mexican coffee that I had originally selected when I was browsing their site. However, the cheap Yooper in me finds it hard not to take them up on their free bag.

Now back to the movie

So what if the cameraman played by the one guy from The Daily Show just disappears without an explanation, this movie is still at least twice as clever as Avatard. It might even give Inception a run for its money. Dream within a dream within a dream within yet another dream. Come on.

Okay, that might be going a bit too far. Inception is also a pretty damn good movie.

Bosty Beans

Causing restlessness, hyperactivity, snarling, barking, and jitters, Coffee Beans should not be a regular part of a Dog's diet.

If you think your dog has been eating any rogue coffee beans that do not make it from your stash to your roaster, keep a good eye on his poop.

You might find yourself with a golden goose. if people are willing to shell out hundreds of dollars for cat poop coffee. How much could I get for Bosty Beans I wonder?

holy Fuck, has it been that long?

Sitting Here , sipping on some Costa Rica Chirripo Finca Alaska that I roasted last Thurs. I had originally bought it because it happened to have Alaska in its name along with a somewhat decent review by Tom at SM, and it has gone on to be one of the standout beans of the summer. It has a real smooth taste out of both the Chemex and Smart Drip Brewers. Chalk butter chocolate with a hint of grapenuts. I need to be sure to stock up on some of this one before it disappears from Sweet Maria's Warehouse. This was what already happened to some Kenyas I really like this past spring, not to mention the Tanzanian Blackburn Estate from last year. As soon as I discovered them, the suckers were already gone from the shelves.

Not that I want to over do it either

Like I did last summer when I bought ten freaking pounds of the Brazilian Mogiana, only to get sick of it by mid winter. I finally ended up finishing it off this spring when I was too broke to do any more big coffee purchases.

Hey What the Fuck?

So its just like that huh? You go away for 6 months leaving behind nothing but a shitty blog on how much you hated Avatard, and then you come back with a casual blog about some fucking coffee like you have been posting everyday?

Where the hell have you been?

Oh, um hey there coffeeporn... yeah sorry about that. It is just that with moving, getting a dog and trying to focus on my writing career, I did not have any time too post anything new. Also, haven't found the time to totally keep up with my obsession. Heck, I have even found myself buying some beans from Peets a couple of times because I could not find the time to roast some up.

Well shit brother, you need to make time for Coffeeporn! I remember when we was tight. when something showed up on me every other day.

I know, I know. Hey, I am sorry. I will try to make some time. I mean, listen I will do my best to come up with some new stories for you that involve my favorite subjects of both coffee and porn. I promise.

I mean, I am not askin for a full on serious relationship, just throw me a few bones once in a while.

I promise I will.